


Dating in 60 seconds

by Ekevka



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, F/F, F/M, Folk gets jailed, Force Ghost Qui-Gon Jinn, Invented Coruscant geography, M/M, Mari Kondo method was used on the Clone Wars timeline, More tags on chapters because otherwise this will be a wall of tags all ready for sarlacc, No Beta We Die Like Clones, No clones were harmed in the making of it, OOC characters (like all of them I'm warning you!), Pairings are endgame, Somebody dies, Speed Dating, relationship drama, there better be some divergence after all this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26583691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ekevka/pseuds/Ekevka
Summary: When Sheev Palpatine decided to take a vacation, he also wanted the usual level of entertainment, so behold: a number of prominent individuals all wooing (or trying to find some Sith) in a high-class district of Coruscant!
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi, Dooku/Wilhuff Tarkin, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Kudos: 7





	Dating in 60 seconds

**Author's Note:**

> This was based on a roleplay, so a) this is you one and only warning for all the shenanigans that might happen and b) I'm sorry if somebody's character got too OOC in the wrong way.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get started. Sentients talk.

If Palpatine hadn't been certain that Maul and Count Dooku wanted nothing to do with each other (apart from possibly kill), he would have suspected them to have a clandestine affair. After all, both had managed to dodge his attention just to end up living in one hotel situated in one of the bordello districts of Coruscant!

It was a higher class one, with private suites and quite a screening of clients (Palpatine did prefer this district to others, but surely such a preference was not passable down via the Force?). In fact, Palpatine wasn't even completely certain both his apprentices were involved at all: he was yet to check the information personally.

Actually, why cannot he check this out? Take a little vacation - it's not like the Separatists would attack while their nominal leader is on Coruscant, - maybe attract and kill one or two Jedi as well. They also favoured this district, probably for the same reason as Palpatine.

But he has to go incognito, and some senators might worry that their chancellor is missing. Why not involve them as well, especially those who seem deeply concerned about the war and the Jedi participation? Padmé Amidala is the head of that fraction and she would certainly learn something new, especially if any Jedi would hit on her - the girl, while certainly well-educated and politically astute, seemed to treat the Jedi as perfect marble statues of old, always peaceful, always serene.

She, and that Tarkin fellow to check his allegiance: would he just act if the chancellor sent him a note? And maybe a clone to round this party out, to make it seem like there are more people - clones  _ are _ identical, after all! 

Yes, Amidala and Tarkin are bound to make so much noise while any clone would stop them from killing each other, that a plain fellow such as himself would be virtually unnoticed!

"I deserve a vacation for this plan alone!" Palpatine triumphantly thought, while finishing an anonymous note to the Jedi Temple: it wouldn't do for the Counsel to miss this. "After all, I have set the entertainment up!"

***

“We have a new message about the Sith,” Anakin Skywalker droned, barely reading the note. “This time two were sighted.”

“An improvement over twenty, right?” Quinlan Vos was somewhat cheerful: he got the funny messages or outright love letters. Those that were personal he discreetly copied and send to his own holomail, for posterity sake.

“Well, there is another hundred waiting - want to bet if there is another message about “two Sith in Marlene District?” Skywalker sounded tired. He flopped down on a settee, staring above.

Vos suddenly knew why Kenobi left to pursue the first lead  _ without _ Skywalker: the boy was fun in battle, but not in tiresome peace  _ with paperwork _ . Yet he had to learn paperwork as well; Kenobi was probably sick of teaching him that.

“Has any progress made been?” asked a familiar voice.

Vos looked up from the letter he was trying to decipher right over the green head of Magister Yoda.

“There is a lead about Marlene District” he cheerfully replied before Skywalker could say something. “Two siths and everything!”

“Always two there are,” Yoda replied, while summoning the letter to read it himself. Somehow it was  _ the _ letter, which never failed to surprise Vos: he would have to ask, which letter, and still might miss.

“Quinlan, have any Jedi permission asked?" Magister Yoda was either not above an outing for a good cause or wanted to check how good Vos was with keeping track of his mates.

Very good, thanks.

"Kenobi, Windu, Luminara", Vos answered, knowing that padawans never counted. Not that any of them were likely to frequent a good bordello, or even know what's it for. 

"A good team they will make", nodded Yoda and thrusted the letter back to Vos. "Feel anyone you can?"

Vos carefully took back the pad. A slightly serene yet cheeky feel of Yoda, a greenishly bored imprint of Skywalker, some postworkers - none felt anything towards this letter in particular, so Vos couldn't even see how many there were, - and a brightly red feeling that was hot enough to cause him to drop the pad.

It floated, clearly caught by either Yoda or Skywalker.

"A Sith held it," Vos took a deep breath to calm down. "And they were proud? Or gleeful, even".

"Why would a Sith send in a letter about others?" Skywalker asked, now all attention. "There are so few of them, why would they sacrifice another?"

"Vicious they are, and ruthless even to their own kind", Yoda answered thoughtfully. "A trap it might be, for us set".

"Or they want us to think so," Vos countered. He felt the Sith, felt their… he would have thought giddiness, but that wasn't a word easily associated with a Sith. Still, it felt like a more complex trap than a false warning.

"We can go and check. Ask master Kenobi, he has spent several days there, he would have felt anything suspicious," added Skywalker.

"Know you not what sentients come to Marlene for?" asked Yoda in a rather calm voice: Vos himself would have been already mocking.

"No. It has something to do with trade?" Skywalker asked.

"Yes, the kind that you pay for an hour," Vos replied, even though most services were paid this way. 

"Physical release one there buys, young Skywalker," Yoda clarified. "And quite frustrated your master is, to spend there so long".

"Not my fault, surely!" Skywalker turned slightly red. "I would provide if asked!" he added, before turning even more red as he clearly realised that Yoda wasn't speaking about a sparring.

"Pity Obi-Wan doesn't know," teased Vos just to see if Skywalker could turn even more red.

He didn't; instead the boy started to mutter something akin to "I have a wife and she wouldn't allow me to fuck master Obi-Wan  _ by myself _ ", but just on the verge of hearing.

"Check this missive we must," Yoda said with finality. "Help our fellow Jedi we have to. Warn them about a Sith or two we should".

"Lest they find this out in the most unsuitable moment", Vos added with a gesture that made clear just which moment that would be.

Skywalker did turn redder. How  _ pretty _ .

  
  


***

“So who sent it?” Tarkin asked, slowly and seductively stretching out in his armchair.

Yularen waited till Tarkin put his hands back on the handles - the spectacle was to be observed, after all, and only then answered:

“Someone from the Senate. The address is linked to them, but it’s basically public - some secretary or other. You know how lax they are with security even now?”

“Yes, that’s why I asked. I know you are the best about it in the Navy,” Tarkin smiled.

Yularen felt pleased, even though he knew it was basic flattery: Tarkin would never admit Yularen’s superiority in anything that mattered, whether it was career or private life. Such a compliment usually meant Tarkin was either not interested in the subject or  _ very _ interested in the person.    
“But who received this?” Yularen asked, moving the conversation back towards the original problem.

“Me. And a copy was sent to the official address of the Naboo senator”.

“Was it at least a closed one?” Yularen had stopped despairing about the state of holosecurity some thirty years ago, but certain things were still abysmal.

“Yes, but a clone in my service is quite good at this. I found him some of the books they offered in Sullust Sector Spacefarers Academy, and apparently I got a fine education in computer technology,” Tarkin smiled.

Yularen for some reason didn’t believe that excuse: Tarkin was clever enough to  _ get _ what basic level Sullust offered, but if he wanted to play a savage, who was Yularen to say otherwise?

“Well, you can go and meet at the randevu point with senator Amidala. She is reckless enough to check this out, or so I’ve heard.” Yularen conceded, while committing the address to memory.

He also wanted to check out what was so interesting in Marlene District for both senator Amidala and captain Tarkin.

Apart from the obvious, of course.


End file.
